If you’re an exhausted mom, here are few insights and measures that will help you free yourself from these heavy chains of exhaustion.
I still remember the time when I gave birth. During this time, I was amazed at myself because, apart from looking after my little one, I couldn’t do anything. I was just too exhausted.
I still remember exactly how I longed for the moment when my husband would finally come home from work.
He was ten minutes late? For me a little end of the world. Each additional minute of waiting passed so painfully slowly.
As soon as my husband finally came in through the door, I handed over our son to him and said that I now had to take care of the housekeeping urgently, because I hadn’t gotten anywhere today.
How did I enjoy doing this one or two hours of laundry, washing and unloading the dishwasher or cooking – blissfully alone with me?
Why on earth had I done nothing at all during his working day?
State of deep exhaustion
Well, after all, I had undressed and dressed the little one, carried him, wrapped him, fed him, and played with him. There was no moment when I thought:
“So now would be a good time to do something for the household”.
Instead, I often sat on the play carpet with my son and was simply tired and exhausted.
I would have loved to lie down on the floor and close my eyes, but then my son would immediately have started to cry, button me and pull my hair – their way of worrying.
So rather stay seated and at least function on a low flame.
Today I know my energy tank was so empty that on a bad day I couldn’t even muster the energy to do something that would give me energy.
After his busy day at work, my husband managed to get something done with our son as a block on his leg. He looked very happy afterward.
However, I simply lacked the energy with our son, let’s say to clean the bathroom. Experience has shown that it was very tiring.
With a little distance …
Fortunately for me today, the world is different. Little by little I have freed myself from these heavy chains of exhaustion.
If you are currently in such a phase of exhaustion, I would like to give you a few insights that have helped me on this path.
EXHAUSTED MOM: 5 WAYS TO FREE YOURSELF FROM THESE HEAVY CHAINS OF EXHAUSTION
1. Take your own needs seriously
We actually feel what we need most right now. Maybe we finally have to catch up on sleep?
Do we need active support, encouragement and encouragement?
Do we urgently need rest, a little time just for us? Do we need recognition for our efforts?
Do we want to be allowed to act independently in at least one tiny area of our lives?
At first, we simply wipe away the thought of such needs: “As a mom, it doesn’t work. I have to work.
There are so many tasks waiting for me. ”So we don’t think about it anymore and prefer to continue to work unsatisfied.
It is perfectly reasonable to use our last corner of energy to find a solution to meet our needs – even if only in the smallest of approaches.
What are the most pressing needs that you should meet to help you feel better and gain energy?
2. Set priorities
If a mom complains that she “comes next to the children” to nothing at all, then the advice seems to be obvious:
“Oh, let’s be five in the household.” “You don’t even manage to concentrate on what is absolutely necessary.
Set your priorities better, then it would be very easy.
This creates stress reactions and the defense mode starts. You quickly feel misunderstood as a mom.
After all, the plan was to only do the most important thing.
And in no way do you consider your demands in order and cleanliness to be a perfectionist.
But the time you have is simply not enough to do the bare minimum:
Remove the mountains of laundry, combat dust fluff and organize the document filing.
No mom in this world can do EVERYTHING
So let me try to say it differently. Every mom on earth has 24 hours a day. And no mom in this world can do EVERYTHING.
Every mom somehow has to choose something and should NOT have a guilty conscience because she didn’t do the things she didn’t choose.
What can help you understand what your expectations are is to just write down everything you actually HAVE to do.
In addition to what you are currently doing, there is guaranteed to be a long list of requirements that you have always pushed ahead of you like an avalanche of a guilty conscience.
I should always cook healthy things, go to the gym, get in touch with my girlfriend again, get more involved in my son’s kindergarten, spend more exclusive time with my daughter, clean out my closet again – whatever it is with you, write it on.
If you look at this list, you will see that you cannot do all of this with your time quota of 24 hours a day.
Especially not when there are aggravating conditions such as illness, lack of sleep, a child that demands a lot of attention, a job that takes more energy than you give, people around you who spread negative mood, etc.
So what can you do?
Look at your list and set priorities.
Find five points that are really important to you in the current phase of life with all its circumstances.
And accept that you won’t get the other 187 points for now. Get rid of these demands on yourself.
This should make things easier. Perhaps you really put your priority on the laundry mountains, the dust fluff and the paper shelf.
Then you spend less time baking cakes, talking to a friend on the phone, or reading to your children instead. Then that’s ok.
When you prioritize, don’t forget that you can only achieve something if you leave time for activities that give you the energy you need.
Which five things are now a top priority in your everyday life? And what points can you drop under the table if necessary?
3. Take breaks
Every mom needs a break. But not every mom gets it. What if at least one little dwarf clings to your leg 24 hours a day? Then how can you take care of yourself as a mom?
If it’s new to your child to take a break at first, it may complain loudly.
But that’s his right! It is uncomfortable for your child because they would rather have your full attention throughout.
So, empathize with your child, let them know that it is ok, that it is annoying, but still persist in your break, even if it doesn’t feel like a break at the beginning of the whole theater.
Your child will get used to it slowly but lovingly.
What kind of breaks are suitable?
Many children will not accept it if you say you lie down on the couch for 10 minutes and sleep.
It is easier for children to see that their mom cannot deal with them when she sees that she is busy with another activity.
My first “accepted” break was a coffee break. Especially at the beginning I had to be very persistent and keep saying: “No, not now.
I will now make my coffee and afterward I can read the book to you ”or“ No, I will finish my coffee now and then we will pack our things and go out ”.
Another example from my own practice is yoga. In the beginning, the children tried to keep me from doing yoga in their presence.
I met their initial aversion with understanding and still stubbornly stayed with it. And now they know that I can do this for maybe 15 minutes and usually just go play.
What could you imagine as a sensible break for you in everyday life with children?
Are you ready for this stubborn but loving break over a longer period of time to push through against your children?
4. Take leadership
Years ago – just when I still had two diaper children – a friend of mine advised me to plan the days in advance.
Because often I simply lacked the determination to implement activities against the children, despite my exhaustion, that was good for all of us.
We cannot charge our (small) children the responsibility to make the day for us. You can very well express wishes:
“I want ice cream now!” Or “I want to stay on the playground now”.
But we parents have the foresight and have to make sure that their (and ours!)
Real needs are met and that the things that need to be done are done so that we are all well.
In order to enforce this on children we need the insight and determination to do the right thing.
Anything that helps us to nurture this determination should be done: make a plan, tell others about our plans, meet up with friends, perform rituals.
Even if I am no longer in this exhaustion trap for a long time, the methods developed at that time still help me a lot.
What are your personal strategies with which you have successfully taken the lead? Would you like to use this more consciously in the future?
5. Power of thought
The situation is the way it is and you have a lot to complain about:
your children are too stubborn, your husband does not understand you and your boss does not see that you are pulling a leg out for his projects.
You would like to exchange them all, but that is not possible.
Now you have two options:
Either you continue to feel miserable and spread the bad mood. Then it is likely that you will sink deeper into your suffering.
How do you think your attitude towards your child, your husband and your boss will affect your relationship?
How likely is it to ever improve under these conditions?
The second option is to start where you can really change something: with your thoughts.
What you can control is how you evaluate a situation or a person or which aspect of the situation you pay attention to.
If you change your attitude towards others or towards your current situation, you can also influence your feelings.
Because if you assess your situation as more positive, then corresponding chemical processes are set in motion in your body and you suddenly feel happiness instead of stress.
All just through the power of your thoughts.
And there is a second, more indirect aspect:
I don’t know if you used to do that too. But as a student, my performance sometimes depended on how the respective teacher-rated me.
I had an art teacher who signaled to me that I had lost hops and malt as far as my artwork was concerned.
And I had a geography teacher who signaled to me that he thought I was pretty smart and educated.
Now guess in which subject I soon got really into it and in which subject I no longer believed in myself after a short time?
Accordingly, your opinion about your children, your husband, your colleagues or your boss could get things rolling as long as it is not your primary goal to manipulate these people.
Can you imagine that?
What or whom have you had very negative thoughts and feelings about so far? What could you think positively instead?
Maybe a gratitude diary will help you to regularly visualize the positive aspects of your life?
Of course, this is an incomplete and subjective list. If you like, leave your own findings in a comment.
What has helped you from such phases of exhaustion? There will certainly be other mom’s suggestions that don’t know how to change their situation …
- The 5 Types of Stress That Mothers Often Suffer From and How to Deal with Them
- 5 Amazing Ideas for The Perfect Mom Break
- Becoming a Calm Mom: How to Manage Stress and Enjoy the First Year of Motherhood by Deborah Roth Ledle
PS: Families are busier than ever. Feeling overwhelmed doesn’t have to be your new normal. This Family Routines Course will help you simplify the many daily tasks confronting you — creating a happier family and a much happier you.