Parenting mistakes you need to stop making now.
All moms want the best for their children. But often it is not so easy to decide how to act to achieve this “best”.
If parents and children have a good bond and the child feels unconditionally loved – The child has the highest potential to mature into a mentally healthy, confident, happy, and empathetic adult.
Most common parenting mistakes
1) Not knowing our children:
It is essential to know our children, because what can be a good training and discipline tool for one child may not be for another.
The importance of knowing their interests, as well as their character and way of being.
We must recognize their strengths and work on their weaknesses.
2) Not listening to our children:
This is another big parenting mistake! Sometimes due to a very strict pattern, at other times, or due to lack of time, we do not listen to their interests.
We do not let them explain any situation to us, cutting off the topic they started, without letting them speak due to lack of patience.
3) Lack of clear limits:
Not having clear limits, established in advance, or even worse, rejection one of the parental figures.
As well as the lack of a unified measures in both parents, can lead to confusion and not knowing what is expected of him.
While the lack of clear limits can lead to permissiveness.
Here are 10 tips for making limits and boundaries easier by Sarah MacLaughlin, of huffpost.com
1. Think ahead.
2. Don’t use wishy-washy language.
3. Check your body language and facial expression.
4. Ensure that your tone is warm, but firm.
5. Don’t expect a child to comply without upset.
6. Have developmentally appropriate expectations.
7. Stay decisive, even when you change your mind.
8. Be physical if you need to.
9. Don’t explain the reason for the limit more than once.
10. Use humor.
It is one of the most frequent parenting mistakes nowadays, wanting to give so much to children. And take care of them from any failure, we tend to damage their capabilities.
We don’t let them learn to defend for themselves, based on the fear that nothing bad will happen to them; This fear implies distrusting the child’s abilities.
5) Disrespecting their personality:
This is another big parenting mistake! Since each child is unique, unrepeatable, and incomparable, and expecting from them the same as others do is not fair.
We must take into account the personality of each one, not everyone should achieve the same goals or at the same time as others.
Especially, when they have siblings, we must offer them the same dedication, love, and training in values, but the way to guide them must be different from one to the other.
6) Yelling at them:
Yelling or fighting does not educate, they do not discipline. On the contrary, they highlight the lack of self-control and authority of the parents.
Yelling creates fear instead of self-discipline and awareness.
If children get used to these screams, unfortunately then they do not react except through aggression.
What we seek is to create awareness and self-discipline, which is achieved through conversation and reflection.
7) Incongruence in saying and acting:
It is known to all that actions speak louder than words. Many times we say one thing and do the opposite.
Our children observe and copy this model. We must lead by example.
8) Compare them:
Comparisons are not good. Comparisons with their siblings, friends, or even with yourself will lead to damage their self-esteem.
Putting examples of other people as a role model is very different from comparing them with someone.
9) Fight for everything or punish without measure:
There are actions that are typical of the age, which must be corrected to educate and others that benefit awareness for the child to change his behavior;
We must weigh whether the action was serious and whether it deserves a firm consequence.
10) Lack of communication:
While an effective and assertive communication creates adequate bonds in all relationships, much more in those of our children.
Lack of good communication creates a dysfunctional relationship.
11) Believing ourselves to be perfect parents:
It is likely that many times we make mistakes, even if we intend to do everything right.
The important thing is to stop and reflect on what we are doing and how we should change it.
Reflection is more efficient if both parents carry it out and align themselves around the goals in the formation of their children. They must be united as parents.
Important tips for positive and good parenting:
1.Show affection daily.
2.Create bonds of trust with your children.
3.Check what type of authority you implement.
4.Reinforce through praise and positive affirmations.
5.Seek to maintain an atmosphere of peace at home.
6.Put clear rules and limits.
7.Encourage independence in your children.
8.Be a good example for your children.
9.Educate your children and train them in values.
10.Make time to get to know your children.
11.Respect the personality and interests of your children.
Parenting Mistakes Related Articles:
- 10 Phrases You Should Never Say to Your Children
- Toxic Habits That Can Sabotage Your Mother-Daughter Relationship
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Parenting Mistakes Book Recommendation:
- Alfie Kohn, Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason*
- Daniel Siegel, No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind *
- Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting: Raising Children with Courage, Compassion, and Connection*
- Gary Chapman, The 5 Languages of Love for Children *