Life as a mom is full of unpredictable challenges and there are always phases of high stress. Strengthening Resilience for Moms: How to Cope With Daily Stress.
No mom’s life is the same. While one mother suddenly has to get along without a partner, the other is very challenged by an emotional child and the third feels particularly pressured by the balancing act between child and career.
Even if all external factors were exactly the same, two women would feel one and the “burden” completely different.
While one mother broke up from the challenge and developed mental illnesses, the other showed strong life-affirming energy.
What distinguishes these two moms is their resilience and psychological resistance.
The tools that everyone needs to successfully master difficult life crises also help to cope with the permanent stresses of a modern mother.
Resilience – a tank of protective factors
There are a number of innate protective factors acquired over the course of life.
Some people are more resilient than others from birth. In addition, experiences in the first years of life have a major impact on our resilience.
For example, an intimate bond with at least one caregiver in childhood is an important building block for the development of the psychological resistance of every person.
Nevertheless, you have a lifetime to strengthen your resilience. If you know-how, you can train them like a muscle.
Life as a mom is full of unpredictable challenges and there are always phases of high stress.
It is good for you and of course for the whole family if you are well armed for it instead of breaking. So it’s best to start now and strengthen your resilience!
BUT HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO IT?
As a mom, you are probably juggling a lot of balls at the same time and already struggling with excessive demands.
Can’t imagine using additional energy for a “resilience training”?
It’s not about investing even more power now. On the contrary: you should recharge your batteries and use them wisely.
Strengthening Resilience for Moms: 7 Ways to Prepare Yourself for Periods of Constant Stress
1. Accept what you can’t change
We know from research into resilience that we can cope better with life’s challenges if we accept them and accept them as part of our life story.
Of course that is easier said than done. Who can accept a really shocking stroke of fate just because someone advises him to?
However, we can practice on a small scale to perceive and accept things as they are without immediately evaluating them. This practice is called mindfulness.
To train mindfulness, you can either meditate or incorporate mindful rituals into your everyday life.
You can find some ideas that can be easily integrated into everyday mom life in this post.
2. Cultivate your optimism
While pessimists like to remain in fearful brooding, optimists in difficult situations are certain that everything can still be turned for the better.
This confidence gives them the strength to act and to fight effectively against the adversities of life.
When optimists experience their self-efficacy, they get into a positive spiral.
Every success increases their confidence in life and in themselves and makes it more likely that the person will also master the next defeat.
Have you been more pessimistic so far?
Then you can adopt an optimistic attitude by deliberately keeping your focus on the positive experiences or aspects of a situation. After all, every medal always has two sides in life.
3. Strengthen your self-esteem
Do you know the following scenario? You and your child find yourself in a situation that you find stressful.
For example, when you pick them up from kindergarten, they lie flat on the floor instead of getting dressed and walking with you.
You get nervous. Which inner dialogue is starting in you now? Maybe something in this direction:
“Oh no, all children go home well, only I am again unable to control my child. The educators and the other parents are now sure to think that I am a failure as a mother.
No matter what I say, my child just doesn’t listen to me. And now I can think of nothing better than puking it and dragging it out – I never wanted to be that way.
I am such a bad mother, I want to sink into the ground with shame. ”
We are often the sharpest critic of ourselves and do not leave our hair well.
As a result, we don’t develop trust in our actions and get stressed even more easily.
We keep judging ourselves, but we can’t make a difference.
What would happen if we were ourselves our best friend instead?
What would the internal dialogue look like and how could that change the situation?
Self-compassion, self-acceptance and trust in your own coping skills would alleviate some stressful situations and allow you to act flexibly, creatively and consciously.
Give it a try for a while. Stop taking your inner critic seriously and instead ask your inner best friend for advice.
If you make this a habit, you will increasingly be able to treat yourself lovingly and with appreciation in, particularly challenging situations.
4. Use your individual strength resources
You do not strengthen your psychological resistance by toughening yourself up.
Instead, make sure that you follow your needs in everyday life and fill your power tank regularly.
This way you create a solid base on which setbacks cannot hit you as easily as if you were already walking on your gums.
Only you can find out for yourself what you have to do for this. Everyone reacts differently.
What is relaxation for some would-be pure stress for others?
So feel into your body and ask yourself after each action, whether this was more energizing or energy-consuming. Align your everyday life accordingly.
5. Find solutions instead of wallowing problems
How convenient it is to blame the circumstances or the others for our predicament. We want to be “saved” at last and we take responsibility for our lives far away from us.
This is accompanied by intense and long-lasting feelings: we are annoyed, angry, sad – we suffer.
The only problem is that we can’t do anything about the situation as long as we remain victimized.
Our thoughts are completely focused on the problem so that we cannot perceive anything else in our life.
There is certainly always a part that we cannot change. However, it is important that we clearly identify (and accept) this part and distinguish it from the other part, which we very well have in hand.
Then we can properly channel our energy, namely, send it to where we can really make a difference.
You always have a choice of how you want to respond to a stimulus. Your husband left you Do you have a child who behaves differently than you wanted?
Your boss doesn’t give you the appreciation you need? Do you have a bad illness? Your parents don’t support you as you imagined?
Pay attention to your feelings of anger and grief. What do they want to tell you?
Which needs are currently not satisfied by the situation?
When you find out, you have already changed your focus: away from the problem, towards the solution.
Find the strategies that you have in your hands to meet your needs.
Are you a young, tired mom and need a few hours for you? You expect your parents to see and support you, but they don’t?
Then let them be as they are because you cannot change others.
Accept that you have to come up with something else. Only then are you free to really look for alternatives and can improve the situation?
Build a network
People who are highly psychologically resilient often have a strong social network.
This is made up of people you can rely on in times of crisis, a kind of safety net. Therefore, make sure that you maintain your relationships well.
Of course, you also have to keep your energy here. Spend time with people who give you strength, avoid dealing with people who rob you of strength.
If you are dealing with people who keep pulling you down with their pessimistic views and perhaps also accusations, then you are better off distancing yourself from these people.
No matter what you do, your energy is wasted when the person is unwilling to take responsibility.
If you have a family – parents, in-laws, grandparents, siblings, etc. – in which one hand washes the other, that’s wonderful and you should stick to it.
You can of course also find such people in the circle of friends, in the neighborhood, among colleagues, etc.
Do you lack social contacts? Then create opportunities to get to know others. Place an ad, attend a course for yourself or your child, give yourself a jerk and invite a likable person to your home.
To do this, you first have to show yourself vulnerable, because others could also reject you. But it is the only way and it will be worth it.
In addition, paid supporters can of course also belong to your network permanently or temporarily.
A babysitter, a maid, a childminder, a therapist, a coach, a nutritionist, a yoga teacher, etc. can also relieve you.
Since they bring new input into your everyday life, they can prove to be a decisive stimulus to steer your life in new directions.
7. Set goals
Sometimes as a mom we have so much going on that we only react to external stimuli.
After long phases of the externally determined life, quite a few mums wonder whether they still live their own lives. They just seem to work for others.
But what can we do if we don’t want to continue like this? We are a game of circumstances and other people until we have made it clear how we want to live instead.
Create a vision of what your ideal life should look like, maybe in five years. Color the picture in all its details.
What would your life be like with which you would be completely satisfied?
Leave your inner critic out of this vision and concentrate fully on the dreamer in you.
If you know where the journey should ideally go, consider what you can do TODAY to get there.
You will see that this releases completely new energies in you and finally makes sense of your actions.
Let’s say you would like to be a great hobby gardener and provide your family with fruit and vegetables for the most part, but life as a mom to an infant and a toddler leaves you with no room for maneuver.
With a concrete vision, you could in between research and plan how you will create your garden, what you should pay attention to, what you need to buy.
You can start with very small garden experiments and tell others about your plans and thus initiate your surroundings into your upcoming major project.
Of course, your vision could also include your independence as a yoga teacher, a year on a trip around the world, your own beauty blog, your entry into the writing career or simply a more relaxed life, in which you only focus on certain, really important aspects.
So you can start right away and do something for your psychological resistance. You just have to choose it.
WHAT TO READ NEXT:
- Exhausted Mom: 5 Things You Need to Know
- The 5 Types of Stress That Mothers Often Suffer From and How to Deal with Them
- Becoming a Calm Mom: How to Manage Stress and Enjoy the First Year of Motherhood by Deborah Roth Ledle
PS: Families are busier than ever. Feeling overwhelmed doesn’t have to be your new normal. This Family Routines Course will help you simplify the many daily tasks confronting you — creating a happier family and a much happier you.