Stress mom? Here’s how to fix it!
Hey, mom are you feeling stressed? Then stick around-till the end of the post. Because I will be sharing the five types of stress that mothers often suffer from and how to deal with them.
Do you know mothers who never have stress? Not me.
But how is it that especially mothers feel so stressed?
It is due to their special situations. A lot comes together with small children in the house.
It is therefore important that you learn as a mother to reduce your stress level.
Common Cause of Stress for Moms and How to Manage Them
1- Deadline stress
When we talk about stress, we mostly mean deadline stress. We believe that we have to do too much in a short period.
Mothers are the organizational center of the household.
They remind the kids to:
– take the gym bag with them in the morning,
– pack the grapes for the kindergarten fruit basket,
– bake the cake for the gymnastics summer party,
– write birthday cards, arrange play appointments,
– think about doctor’s appointments,
– do the weekly shopping and take care of the Christmas presents,
– And then there are the children’s hobbies.
It is not uncommon for children to go to a leisure activity almost every day, to practice on the musical instrument and to do homework.
The whole family then has “no time”.
How to manage deadline stress
- Attempts to reduce the deadline pressure resulting from fixed agreements.
- Hobbies that are supposed to serve the child’s development are not so important that you should get stressed about appointments.
- Instead, it can be more relaxing for everyone if you can just chat, read stories, sing songs or discover nature together.
- Address your child’s interests. Let it get to know the everyday world of adults at your side and give it space and time for free play.
- This creates the basis for your child to develop his talents and personality. This can also be done without any deadline stress.
2- Feelings of detachment
People who feel that they are exposed to the circumstances are more susceptible to negative stress than people who are convinced that they can actively shape their lives.
The birth of a child severely limits our self-determined life.
If the baby cries out of hunger, we stop whatever we are doing to feed them instantly. And be it at 3 a.m.
If the child is sick, we wake up by his side all night. Even if we’re not healthy ourselves.
If a child runs against the edge of the table and cries, we stop using the toilet to inspect and restore the damage.
The bladder is only half empty, the flush has not yet been activated, the hands are not washed.
Emergency has priority. And there are frequent emergencies.
How to manage feelings of detachment
- If you feel particularly strangely defined by your family, make it clear to you that it is not your child who decides, but you.
You decide to breastfeed your child at 3 a.m. for the fifth time that night. Because you want to give him the food and closeness he needs, instead of letting him scream, for example.
- Make yourself aware of your reasons.
It is only a limited time. Over the years, the children become more independent and your freedom increases again.
But never forget to consciously perceive your own needs and look for creative solutions to satisfy them as often as possible. This strengthens your stress resistance.
- As your child grows, you can teach them to respect your limits.
You can tell a three-year-old child that you are exhausted and are now taking a break to have a tea, for example.
A good trick is to run an hourglass: agree that your child will be busy alone during this time.
3- Intention advice
As soon as you are pregnant, everyone seems to want to bring their “good” advice and wisdom.
Have you been left alone before, because people generally assume that adults can decide for themselves, now suddenly want to have a say when it comes to a child?
As the children get older, there is a lot of advice on how to “teach” your child. Even other mothers feel called to give you advice without being asked.
We parents only want the best for our children. We want to do everything right so that our child can get off to the best start in life.
That is why we are particularly vulnerable to criticism that affects our parental competence.
We feel attacked and – just like cavemen who suddenly faced a saber-toothed fighter – are ready to fight or run away. We show classic stress symptoms.
How to deal with Intention advice
- If you find that a piece of advice hits your sore spot, a topic where you are not sure of the “right” and “wrong” yourself. You can take this as an opportunity to think about your values, needs and goals with whom you want to align your actions.
- The next time your behavior is questioned, you can be more confident because you know why you chose your path. It can also help to focus on a guide’s ideas.
Sometimes advice reveals more about who gives it than about who it is addressed to.
- What drives a person when they give you this advice? Probably, she wants to experience herself valuable by sharing her experiences and beliefs with you.
- Even if you spontaneously experience it differently, in most cases the others mean it well.
- If a certain person always comes up with well-intentioned advice, it is not wrong to answer calmly but firmly that you appreciate the encouragement in your life and your problems. But you would like to take the freedom to make your own experiences collect and go your own way.
4- Feeling alone with everything
Do you mostly look after your child alone? Does all responsibility rest on your shoulders?
Do you have the feeling that the growth of your child depends only on you and that you cannot allow yourself mistakes or failures?
It is not surprising that this state and the resulting emotional state put you under pressure.
From an evolutionary biological point of view, we are not “programmed” to take care of the children alone.
We need a social network that catches us in critical situations.
How to manage the stress of feeling alone with everything
- It helps when you realize that it is not natural for you as a mother to look after your child 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
- To compensate, you also need other content in life and your children need more caregivers. So you can get your children used to other caregivers without feeling guilty. Accept any help that comes your way.
- Grandparents, aunts, friends, kindergarten, babysitters – it is good for your child’s development to get used to dealing with different people.
- You can take turns taking care of the children with mothers who are friends. Then everyone has some air for themselves and the children can play together.
What if you really don’t have anyone who can come to help you?
- The important thing is: you must not deny your self-compassion. You have a difficult, extremely stressful task to deal with.
- So it is very clear that things do not always go smoothly and that the feeling creeps up that you can hardly cope with the challenges. You do your best – and that counts!
Nowadays, good often doesn’t seem good enough. We want to be the best possible mother for our children.
On Facebook and Instagram, in movies and advertisements – everywhere we are fooled into believing that it can be done with ease:
Optimally promoting the children, nourishing them healthily, making our apartment look like a catalog, enjoying wonderful holidays, one perfect partner, a good friend and powerful in the job.
And the mothers always look good and relaxed, are perfectly styled and in a good mood.
We actually know that this is unrealistic, and yet we secretly compare ourselves with these pictures.
And in this comparison we always do poorly. This creates frustration and stress!
How to deal perfectionism
- You have limited time and you should use it wisely. Stop measuring yourself against others, imitating others and wanting to please others.
- Find your own lifestyle. Think about what priorities you want to set. And then stand by it.
- Is it more important for you to play a perfect world on the outside or do you want yourself and your family to be fine inside?
If that means that it doesn’t always look neat with you, you switch to the comfortable sloppy look and there is cake bought at your children’s birthday party – then that’s the way it is.
Of course, this should not prevent critically questioning your own behavior and priorities. But your values and goals should set the standard for new answers.
If you want more tips on how overcome feelings of perfectionism, you may want to check out this article by verywellmind.com: How to Overcome Perfectionism
What sources of stress do you struggle with most for being a mom?
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Book Recommendation on How to Manage Moms Stress
- Becoming a Calm Mom: How to Manage Stress and Enjoy the First Year of Motherhood by Deborah Roth Ledle
More Tips About Mom Life and Motherhood
- 14 Simple Habits of a Happy Mom
- How to Be a Calm Mom – 6 Helpful and Effective Tips
- Self Care at Home Tips and Ideas for Moms
- Exhausted Mom: 5 Things You Need to Know
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