Why should you be informed about which expectations you shouldn’t have in life with children? Learn what every expectant mother should know about.
Warn women about life as a mother? That’s the wrong way!
Being a mother has little to do with glitter and glamor.
Dear expectant mothers: Trust your gut feeling
Lately, the articles, blog posts and comments on the topics of parenting and living with children have been piling up on the unspoiled truth.
Even though I was able to agree on many points with some articles.
Also remember how much I longed for other occupancies during my parental leave, sadness has also spread to me.
It is really nice that mothers – just like fathers, who in many articles are often described less as fathers than as a parent fleeing to work can also openly exchange about all difficult moments and doubts;
But I have the feeling that something has started here that goes in the wrong direction.
When comfort turns into worry
Originally, the move to say frankly that parenting was darn hard was supposed to provide comfort.
It should be support for anyone who may have doubts about their abilities or even their vocation, mother or father
Because there are days and weeks when every step seems to go in the wrong direction or it hurts a lot and falls by the wayside, which would also be important to you.
Yes, it’s the same for all parents. All parents know these thoughts.
The move was also necessary to tell all the mothers and fathers who are at home with their first year of life at home.
That it’s okay if you find that you can’t be mom or dad around the clock, but rather you long for a balance in the form of work away from home, for sports or other things.
Needs are different, both for children and for adults.
Unfortunately, however, the initiative is getting more and more flavor that the decision to have one or more children is synonymous with loss, limitless restriction, disappointment and frustration.
Talking about being a mom is another way!
The same questions come up again and again when I read, for example, that the friend Janet mentioned in the text raged.
Because no one explained all the possible minus points of life with a child before pregnancy and after the “happy mama high” the evil awakening came.
Where does this extreme dismay come from?
Why does Janet find life with a child so stressful and restrictive that even the (after all …) “ten percent pure happiness” mentioned in the article cannot change anything?
It cannot be that a child who has not chosen to be born is the cause of his mother’s misfortune.
I don’t want to sound accusatory here. I am sorry that Janet – representing many other mothers and fathers – is so sad and angry.
Not all of the reasons for this can be discussed due to the individual situation. A few that affect all parents, but maybe they do.
So why does it seem necessary that, as an expectant mother or father, you are informed of what to expect?
You better put back in Abraham’s sausage kettle, so as not to be surprised after the “transformation”, why no glitter and sugar dust trickles out of the magic ball?
What Every Expectant Mother Should Know About
1. Can’t let go
It is always difficult to let go of the old, the beloved, no matter how small. With children, however, everything changes.
All because every single aspect of the previous life is suddenly re-evaluated, structured and viewed.
Much of what appeared important and correct up to that point becomes irrelevant or simply no longer fits into the new life.
This affects good changes, but also changes that are less easy to digest in the beginning. We don’t like to let go.
My grandpa always said: “Man is a creature of habit, filled with red ink”.
Yes, that’s how it is. Shake off habits or new to “sacrifice ” is hard, even if the “replacement” maybe ever so beautiful.
2. The eternal pull
What is right? Guts or your own needs no longer seem to be the right yardstick when it comes to bringing up children.
If you go to one camp with a clear conscience, the other cries out in horror.
If a woman goes back to work shortly after the birth of the child or after the first year of life, the term raven parents quickly come up.
On the other hand, if you stay at home for the first three years, you deny your child the opportunity to develop his social skills or develop as a personality.
If you breastfeed your child – maybe even more than a year or two – you are considered selfish and inevitably raise a rock-top child.
If you decide to breastfeed less or not at all, the child can never thrive.
The eternal drag that prevents us from responding individually to the needs of the child and the parents.
And letting the stomach and heart decide makes pressure. Pressure in turn exhausts and causes dissatisfaction.
Expectant parents face the financial problem of uneconomical work and raising children.
It is frustrating to realize on your own that those who feed the intergenerational contract do not receive enough food themselves and are relieved to live without acrobatics or losses.
Reality shows a constant balancing act, where theory does not allow evasive steps.
Indeed, it is a condition that, above all, builds up individual frustration. Since there are too many days when the strength is actually not sufficient to fight windmills.
This list could of course continue, just like the enumerating the darker sides of being a mother in the above article.
But instead of just listing what will fall away, become difficult or different, shouldn’t it also be said what in return is even easier or what insights life with child (ren) establishes as new solid pillars?
Yes, I have also let go of things with a heavy heart in the past three years that were important to me as a person, as a woman. But have now also happily found out which space has unlocked this.
And that letting go pushed me into a direction of thought that allows completely different paths than I would have taken three years ago.
The eternal pull has not left me and my husband without a trace.
Often enough, the long-term parental relationship between work and child, financial security and insecurity feel inhumane.
And yes, of course I would like that after three years of tiredness the sleep workload could be increased and that our nights would no longer be interrupted three to four times.
But: The personal gain far outweighs the everyday victims!
So what should you really know before having children?
1. That of course EVERYTHING changes.
If you assume that the child integrates easily and considerately into everyday life, you will of course get the wand removed very quickly.
2. That no sugar dust gently drizzles down in pastel shades on a super mom or super papa costume.
But that everyday clothing is spattered with milk and that one can often hardly keep from giggling at the newly acquired and applied gallows humor.
Maybe out of sheer fatigue, but be it!
3. That it is important to allow change to be happy.
Change is the key to improvement.
4. That ALL grow with the challenges.
5. That there is always a solution, even if it is not immediately ready.
6. That children feel doubts, fears, and frustration as often as their parents and that it is nice to go out together.
That … children are good for their own souls!
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